Archive for April, 2007

The Wonders of Caffeinated Soap


I’ve been using Shower Shock Caffeinated Soap. After a couple weeks of using it in the morning I realized that it truly invigorated me and that it was really nice to have my morning caffeine intake (2 cups) before I even got out of the shower. I was clean, caffeinated, bright eyed, and didn’t have coffee breath. During the two week trial I noticed that the Caffeinated Soap also accelerated my body hair growth. Whoa. What the?

How to use such a powerful concoction…



The hair on my head is thinning.

Okay. Thinned.

ALRIGHT. I gotta a HUGE freakin’ forehead with no hair on it.

It’s not my fault, I’m pretty sure it’s the radiation from the 20 CRT monitors surrounding me in a 100 foot proximity.

Back to the brainstorm…

Caffeinated soap causes hair growth. EGADS! Caffeinated shampoo!

I’m a genius. You don’t even know. might. But just act like you don’t. I don’t want people to know.

Needless to say, another 2 week supply of Shower Shock Caffeinated Soap was promptly ordered. It arrived. I’ve been using it… On my head. Being careful not to get it on my ears, nose, eyes or teeth. Hairy ears, eyes, nose and teeth is not attractive.


Here it is two weeks later after the shiny, caffeinated soap/shampoo arrived on my doorstep via next day air. I have hair on my forehead. My life is changed. Co-workers ask me to take my wig off. I laugh at them and ask them to take it off for me. THEY CAN’T, BECAUSE IT’S NOT A WIG. Girls do double-takes when I walk by. Guys do double takes when I walk by. People yell at me on the street “GET A HAIR CUT YOU LOSER!” People ask what product I use to get that lustrous look for my hair. I smile, wink, and say Shower Shock Caffeinated Soap


YEAH. The real deal. I’m not even joking. FOR REAL.

WARNING: Results may vary. Possible side effects may include but are not limited to:

Hyperactivity. Hair loss. Anxiety. Depression. Sneezing. Hives. Boils on the legs. Shirt hem unraveling. 101 degree temperature for 21 days. Green skin. Receeding gums. Vomiting. Hunger. Insomnia. Mouth sores. High blood sugar. Low blood sugar. Heart palpitations. Accelerated finger nail growth. Eyelash loss. Varicose veins. Feet itching. Excess ear wax. Sweating. Thirst. Blinking. Loss of mobility. Greed. Lust. Vanity.

QA & Test Professionals Day: May 4th


Today was “Administrative Professionals Day”. My wife is an Administration Professional, and once again her boss did not acknowledge her. This pisses her off, yet year after year she secretly hopes that her boss (old or new in the job) will suprise her with some act of gratitude. Keep hoping dear, us men have a hard enough time remembering our anniversary and your birthday, how can you expect one to remember Administrative Professional Day?

I want a “QA  & Test Professionals Day”. Please make it a point to ignore me by not writing defects, providing clear specifications, and writing robust unit tests. Thats all I ask.

QA & Test Professionals Day is May 4th. The day before Cinco de Mayo. Don’t forget.

Getting logging from an uninstall


When uninstalling a program from Add/Remove Programs that was installed using Installshield you will get no related logging. This is a serious testing and development problem when there is a problem with the uninstall of the program.

How can you output logging to troubleshoot Add/Remove uninstall issues? Mimic the same behavior of Add/Remove Programs from the command line using the following example:

“Test Installer Setup.exe” /uninst /s /v“/qn /Luie \”%TEMP%\Uninstall for Test Install.log\””

Understand InstallShield command line parameters here.

Understand .MSI command line parameters here.

On a side note, uninstalling from Add/Remove programs versus uninstalling via running the installer again can have different results. Make sure you have test cases for both.

Thanks for the uninstall tip Matt.

What can be worse than a pile of credit card offers?


Every one of us are annoyed by daily credit card offers in the mail.

What can be worse?

When you open the credit card offer, to break it down to a palatable chunk for your shredder, and you get a paper cut.

This happened to me this evening…

Let’s try this again.

What can be worse?

I already have a credit card with the company (Bank of America) because they acquired my old/original credit card company.

Arghhhh… You’re killin’ me, Smalls!

These people steal my time nearly every day, wouldn’t it be fun if:

  • You saved all the credit card offers for one year, shredded them and sent them back to the bank in a giant box labeled “URGENT, OPEN IMMEDIATELY”
  • You saved all the credit card offers for 5 years, shredded them, and dumped the pile (5 feet high) in front of the entrance to your local, offending branch
  • Saved the offers for one month, drove to the local, offending branch’s drive-through, insert them into the vacuum tube, press the button and drive away
  • You shred the offer, put it back in the business reply envelope (no cost to you), and send it back
  • Shred the offer, lick the envelope, and send only the envelope back
  • Don’t open the offer, mark it “return to sender” and  put it back in the mail
  • Open the offer, use a permanent marker to hide all your personal information, and send it back
  • Create a chain email convincing people of the world to do one of the above mentioned “fun things” on a specified date and time (much like the gas strike email chains)

Defect of the day: Blackberry Outage


Turns out the Blackberry service outage that happended last week was due to insufficient testing of a software update. Oh man, I hate when that happens!

Hopefully lessons were learned by the people at Research in Motion Ltd. Nothing worse than a company that doesn’t learn from their mistakes.

Research in Motion, you’ve used your mulligan.

Defect of the Day: Google Maps – Swim from NY to Italy


I’m not sure if this is a defect or a Google joke, but I’ll call it a defect since it could possibly put peoples’ lives at risk. Err..mentally challenged peoples’ lives that is.

If you use Google Maps to plot your driving course from New York to Italy, step 32 asks you to “Swim across the Atlantic Ocean 5,572 km“. <insert smart ass comment here, I’ll spare you mine>.

I’d be interested to know the truth behind this “swim” recommendation. Why not fly or boat to avoid lawsuits?

Recently I attended Harry Robinson’s presentation (from Google) on How to build your own Robot army and he talked about some of the defects that were found while testing Google Maps. They’ve had some serious defects and testing challenges, which leads me to believe that the swim recommendation is not a feature but a defect?

Thanks Aaron for the link/defect.

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