The Wonders of Caffeinated Soap

I’ve been using Shower Shock Caffeinated Soap. After a couple weeks of using it in the morning I realized that it truly invigorated me and that it was really nice to have my morning caffeine intake (2 cups) before I even got out of the shower. I was clean, caffeinated, bright eyed, and didn’t have coffee breath. During the two week trial I noticed that the Caffeinated Soap also accelerated my body hair growth. Whoa. What the?

How to use such a powerful concoction…

Hmmm…

Hmmm…

The hair on my head is thinning.

Okay. Thinned.

ALRIGHT. I gotta a HUGE freakin’ forehead with no hair on it.

It’s not my fault, I’m pretty sure it’s the radiation from the 20 CRT monitors surrounding me in a 100 foot proximity.

Back to the brainstorm…

Caffeinated soap causes hair growth. EGADS! Caffeinated shampoo!

I’m a genius. You don’t even know. Well..you might. But just act like you don’t. I don’t want people to know.

Needless to say, another 2 week supply of Shower Shock Caffeinated Soap was promptly ordered. It arrived. I’ve been using it… On my head. Being careful not to get it on my ears, nose, eyes or teeth. Hairy ears, eyes, nose and teeth is not attractive.

FRANKLY, HAIRY EARS, NOSE, EYES, and TEETH IS WEIRD.

Here it is two weeks later after the shiny, caffeinated soap/shampoo arrived on my doorstep via next day air. I have hair on my forehead. My life is changed. Co-workers ask me to take my wig off. I laugh at them and ask them to take it off for me. THEY CAN’T, BECAUSE IT’S NOT A WIG. Girls do double-takes when I walk by. Guys do double takes when I walk by. People yell at me on the street “GET A HAIR CUT YOU LOSER!” People ask what product I use to get that lustrous look for my hair. I smile, wink, and say Shower Shock Caffeinated Soap

THIS SOAP/SHAMPOO IS A FREAKIN’  MIRACLE. Check this out:



YEAH. The real deal. I’m not even joking. FOR REAL.

WARNING: Results may vary. Possible side effects may include but are not limited to:

Hyperactivity. Hair loss. Anxiety. Depression. Sneezing. Hives. Boils on the legs. Shirt hem unraveling. 101 degree temperature for 21 days. Green skin. Receeding gums. Vomiting. Hunger. Insomnia. Mouth sores. High blood sugar. Low blood sugar. Heart palpitations. Accelerated finger nail growth. Eyelash loss. Varicose veins. Feet itching. Excess ear wax. Sweating. Thirst. Blinking. Loss of mobility. Greed. Lust. Vanity.

2 Responses to The Wonders of Caffeinated Soap

  1. Dave Mundt says:

    Hmmmm – goodbye Brent, hello Sanjaya…

  2. Creditworthy says:

    Your optimistic story has driven me laughing like mad. It really works that dangerous way? Thanx for right sense of humour you’ve got.

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